Casual Sex for Women: Filling the Void with Emptiness

Women, like men, are sexual creatures and, therefore, there is no reason why they cannot have sex as freely as men do. This premise was the foundation of the feminist sexual revolution that began in the 1960’s in Western society. Since then, women have been encouraged to express their sexuality without the social norms and expectations that inhibited them in the past and, consequently, the term “casual sex” – sexual relationships without any meaning or attachment – has become very popular among females. However, this type of sexual behavior has been proven to be harmful for women’s health, and that is why they should think twice before engaging in casual sex.
This position many be shocking for some people because casual sex seems to be the best alternative for those women who do not have the time or the need for the trappings of a real romantic relationship but that still want to satisfy their sexual needs. However, this perception is wrong, and most women who have practiced this type of sexual behavior know exactly why: casual sex is just a way to avoid commitment, and it usually creates a bigger void than the one it was meant to fill in the first place.
In fact, research has proven that in order to achieve sexual pleasure, women require some level of emotional attachment. Kerner (2009), a sex therapist, states that biologically speaking, women are not built to have casual sex because the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin – the cuddle hormone – which facilitates a sense of attachment, and if there is nothing to attach to (i.e., no emotional content or meaningfulness), “orgasm becomes a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it” (Kerner, 2009). This explains why so many women feel guilt, discomfort, and regret after “one-night stands” as opposed to man, whose biological conditions allow them to enjoy sex without any emotional consequences. Furthermore, Grello, Welsh, and Harper (2006) found that “casual sex is associated with symptoms of depression for females” (p. 263). They speculate that these symptoms may be associated with little sexual satisfaction and the anxiety that they experience after failing in the attempt to fill an internal void (Grello, Welsh & Harper, 2006, p.265). Yet, there are some women who claim to have enjoyed casual sex, but most of them did so because they believed that the relationship would evolve into a new romance. The problem with these women is that when they fail to acknowledge casual sex as a “meaningless deal,” they become quite vulnerable to getting hurt because, usually, their partner does not think of their relationship as a romance.
Therefore, women should wait until they are in a romantic relationship to have sex because, otherwise, they will be likely to suffer from emotional distress. Indeed, chastity is preferable if it will help women to avoid depression. However, for those women who are not interested in a “real” relationship, chastity may not be the solution if they want to satisfy their sexual needs. These women may prefer to engage in casual sex but they should have good communication with their sexual partner in order to define and assimilate what kind of relationship they want to have. Nevertheless, they must keep in mind that they will not achieve real pleasure unless they feel emotionally attached to their sexual partner. Kerner (2009) states that the more casual the situation, the less likely it is that women achieve orgasm or emotional happiness. In other words, they would be filling an internal void with more emptiness. Finally, the decision of whether or not to have casual sex should be a matter of logic for women: if you feel bad after doing it, then be reasonable and stop doing it!

Ligia Gonzalez